Day 268: Lap of Luxury

The glass elevators.

So I took this shot from the lobby (on deck 2), looking up to the huge red skylight on deck 10.  Everything on the ship is really...gaudy.  We were chatting about it tonight after dinner, and decided that it's a lot like Vegas. There are a lot of gold-guilded things, cherubs, carvings on walls and window frames, tacky impressionist paintings in the rooms, etc.

At first I loved the sheer tacky feel of the place, but after spending a few days on the ship, I've got to say it's getting old.  Still...it's been such a fun cruise!  We've done so many awesome things and met some great people!

Last night we had a dance for just the singles group, and it was awesome! They played great tunes, and I had a blast dancing with a nice, big group of friends.  In fact, I danced so hard I actually kicked a shoe off at one point.  It was really embarrassing.

Day 253: Brought to Light

A light fixture at Paradise Bakery

Tonight I almost had a mental breakdown.  Well, I kind of did have one.  I wasn't feeling good when I went to work this morning, and I told my coworkers that I'd probably leave early because of it.  I delegated as much work as I was able, to facilitate my early departure, and then started on my huge stack of invoices.

I tried my hardest to get those things done swiftly so that I could leave even an hour or two early.  The longer I stayed at work, the worse I felt.  And, try as I did, I still left work an hour later than usual, with a half-finished stack of invoices.

When I met Christine for dinner on the way home I was beside myself.  All that work and all that pushing when I felt rotten - and it didn't even make a difference!  I felt like a failure.  Especially since I had a meeting with my boss earlier in the day where he told me (at my own request from a week prior) that I needed to improve my work habits, particularly my swift completion of invoices, and that people had noticed that I took too long to get them finished.

I was devastated.  I was crying my eyes out all the way to the restaurant.  I couldn't face life anymore and expect to remain sane.  I felt like my handle on my life had slipped from my grasp and there was no hope of trying to pick up the pieces.

I was so dramatic!

After dinner I felt much better - emotionally anyway.  I drove home feeling a little foolish at my breakdown, but still feeling quite worried at how my day went.

I wasn't planning on making this my picture, but my outburst at dinner threw me off so much that I forgot all about it until just now...so, there you go. :)

Day 252: Signs of Spring

Our Orchid plant

This is a direct result of Christine's undying faith in our two dying Orchid plants.  We were sure we had killed both of them months ago.  All of the flowers had fallen off (which is normal) and the stalks were drying up and dying and we had no idea how to fix it.  Mom and I wanted to toss both plants because we both thought they were dead, but Christine wouldn't let us.  She was sure they were still alive and wouldn't let us kill them for no good reason (even though they were both really ugly).

So we took them upstairs to the guest room and set them in front of the west-facing window.  We watered them and watched them do nothing for a couple of months.  Then one day after watering the plants, Christine came into the room announcing that the Orchids had both shown signs of life.  And more specifically, that one of them was already growing buds!

Tonight I went to check on the plants and was shocked to see how many beautiful little buds were on the one plant!  The other Orchid plant had much farther to go (it was really on death's door when we moved it upstairs), so it doesn't have as much growth, but it's definitely still alive and kicking!

It's a good thing Christine was so insistent with those little flowers or we would have killed two perfectly good plants for no good reason.

Day 247: Ball of Nerves

The sunset through the trees.

I named this picture "Ball of Nerves" because I wanted to use the word "ball" since it's a picture of a bunch of dangling balls on a tree, but no matter how I tried to mix the words around, "dangle" and "balls" just couldn't go together in the title without making unintended references.

Also, because I was a nervous wreck today.

Obviously this happens to me frequently since I write about it a lot on this blog, but it doesn't make it any easier.  Some days I just handle the huge responsibility of my work load better than others.  Today all I could see was the big picture of everything in the world that I had to do (personally and professionally) and it panicked me so badly that I couldn't concentrate on a single task.  I even had to take a break in one of the empty offices by sitting on the floor in the dark, trying to calm my breathing and empty my mind.  Of course, this didn't work because I really think it might be impossible to clear my head of all thoughts.  I've tried oh, so many times, but there's always something going on up there.  Plus I have the attention span of a kid in a candy store.  My brain is always frantically running from one subject to another so fast that I tend to loose the thread of my own inner dialog every few minutes or so.

I'm not kidding though, I literally lasted 4 minutes in that dark room before getting up and walking out more frustrated than when I started.

And it felt like 20 minutes.

But, I'm sure tomorrow will go much better, because it usually works out that way.

Day 245: Arctic Winds

The clouds blowing in.

Today was gorgeous.

And FREEZING!

I have never felt such icy, bone-chilling, teeth-chattering, hurricane-force wind gusts in the 8 years that I've lived in Utah.

Of course, the wind may have been exaggerated by my extremely poor choice in jackets this morning.  I wore my new wind breaker that I won in a raffle at work.  It looks like a great winter coat, but it has zero insulation.  I think it's made to be worn over warmer, less water-resistant coats.  Also, it's probably two sizes too big, so it allowed every wisp of air blowing by me free entrance into the protective layer of the coat, thereby rendering it less than useless because it actually trapped the cold air inside the jacket every time I stepped outside.

Next time, I'll layer.

Day 243: De-Junking

A pile of junk from my closet.

My sister and I planned this big clear-out day on Saturday.  We were going to get rid of all the clutter and haul it all to the thrift store.  We were going to get so much cleaning done.

We put it off until the end of the day, and quickly filled up these few bags of stuff within an hour before bed.

I still haven't begun to go through my closet, let alone my out-of-control bathroom.  Maybe if I take it one section at a time I'll actually do it.

Day 242: Don't Laugh

Me...again.

Ok, so here's what happened.

I took a picture of myself in my new swimsuit today - in my bathroom mirror - purely for personal documentation.  It was supposed to be my "before" picture, and then after I loose the 10 lbs I wanted to loose to look good in this new suit, I was going to take an "after" picture and compare them.

I was not planning on using it for my blog.

Ever.

But when I realized at 1AM that I hadn't taken a picture for the day (aside from the one above) I realized I was up a creek.

So I cropped it to death.

Because this is - after all - a before picture, and, by no means, do I want anyone to see it but me!

Day 241: Pile of Bones

"The Pile"

When my parents are home, our entry-way never looks this bad.  My mom probably straightens out the shoes 2 or 3 times a week.  But alas, they have been out of town for almost two weeks now, and my sister and I can't be bothered to put the shoes in order when we're just going to be messing them up in two seconds.

Unfortunately, as I glanced around the living room today, looking for inspiration for another photo, I realized that this mess of shoes resembles a mass grave.  Or at least, it reminds me of the images of genocide that they showed us in school.

It was a morbid thought when it entered my mind.  And it perched there all evening as I remembered the horrors of our past, and the sick beauty of the photography and art that has portrayed that suffering over the years.  I guess you could say that I brooded over it until I finally took the picture and let the thoughts escape my mind through the image, to camp there for a while.

Sometimes taking pictures is very cathartic...like mental fly paper, the photographs draw the feelings towards them until they stick like glue and dislodge from my mind, to reside elsewhere.

Day 236: Magic Top

Christine spinning a top on her hand.

Danni came over tonight to give us our belated Christmas presents.  She got to spend her Christmas in Belgium with her parents and she came back with some awesome, authentic, gifts.

Both Christine and I got a top from Amsterdam and these things are amazing!  They spin on the weirdest things!  I couldn't get mine to spin on the tabletop when we first got them, and as we all sat around chatting in the living room, I tried to spin mine on the couch arm rest and it balanced perfectly!  Then I tried to spin it on my knee, and again, perfect balance!  So Christine decided to try spinning her top in the palm of her hand and it was so cool!  Every time we spun it in our hands, it would dance around our palms.  I got this shot as the top was spinning right off the edge of Christine's hand.

So cool!

Day 228: Steeping

Sleepytime Tea

I decided to make myself a cup of tea tonight, and as I was waiting for the water to heat, I decided it would be fun to capture a picture of the tea steeping and bleeding into the water.  So I poured the water into a glass jar in order to capture the process.  It was fun to take pictures along the entire steeping process.  I felt like a little kid doing a science fair project.  All that was missing was my science partner taking notes.

Today was tough.  I left work early yesterday to watch that movie with my coworkers, and I paid for it today.  I had to come in to the office to make up for the work I missed yesterday, and it was not fun.  I was tired and grumpy and slow.  It took me way longer to do my work than usual, which only made me more upset since I was missing my Saturday.

Needless to say, I'm a little grumpy about the whole thing, but I'm hoping I'll feel better about it come Monday. :)

Day 219: Swank

Fancy drinks.

Tonight we went to a restaurant in Provo for Christine's birthday.  We were going to go to Los Hermanos, but it's gone.  We were shocked about the loss of Los Hermanos, but it was freezing and we were on a strict time table, so we walked a few blocks down to Spark, this new little restaurant/club in downtown Provo.  Their website says they are a "Restaurant Lounge" but it felt more like a high end - members only - club, or some really swanky restaurant in New York.  The decorations and atmosphere were very hipster feeling, and the food looked like it was prepared by a chef.  Very yummy.

The difference with this Restaurant is that they don't serve alcohol.  At least not as far as I can tell.  So even though their menu had a long list of drinks that would normally be served with alcohol (they even listed martinis that were virgin...??), each was listed as "seltzer water" instead.  I love that!

We had fun ordering cool-sounding drinks and asking the waiter about it.  I ordered a Mango Mojito (virgin, in case you missed it) - it was really good!  And Ryan got a drink called Black Lemonade, which is a soda you can buy in a bottle that looks like poison (complete with the skull and cross bones on the label) which made it really fun to look at.  His was basically sour lemonade and soda, and it was pretty good. And yes, it was actually black.  Although from the picture you can't tell, it kind of had a blue-green tint to it, which is cool.

Fun night!  I love trying new places.  Definitely check this place out if you're up for something new.

Day 216: My Nemesis

The Scale

I'm doing this fitness/weight loss challenge with some "friends" right now.  The goal is to loose 10 pounds in 10 weeks.  A simple enough goal in theory, but nearly impossible for me to actually accomplish.  I've been hovering around the same weight for almost a month now, and I only have 3 weeks left to hit my goal.  I'm so far away from making it that I'm starting to loose hope.

And to top it off, for the past three days I've been a ridiculously high weight and I can't figure out what I did to make myself go up so high overnight.

This morning, when I walked into the bathroom to get ready for work, I wanted to spit on that stupid scale.

Day 195: Red, Red, Red

A music box.

There are so many little trinkets around my house right now because of the holiday decorations, and I can't seem to keep myself from taking pictures of them over and over again.  I really like to take close-up shots.  It's fun to look at things from a different perspective and to notice the tiny details.

Day 191: Gadgets

Christine's Kindle

Christine won a Kindle through a promotional thing at work over a month ago, and it came in the mail yesterday.  Christine was excited when she saw the package, because it was really late arriving.  But after she opened it and skimmed through the instructions and played with it for about 15 minutes, she plugged it in to charge overnight, and promptly forgot all about it.

I, however, have been obsessing over it ever since she let me turn it on.  I have already logged onto it with my Amazon account and downloaded close to 10 free books.  I stayed up playing with it late last night, and started to read 2 different books.  I almost brought it to work with me this morning to show it off, before remembering that it doesn't belong to me.

Gadgets.  I love 'em!  I really do.  I'm not even joking.  Give me a fun little gadget, and I will be perfectly content to spend hours in a corner, fiddling with the settings and learning the ins and outs of it.  I get so obsessed with new gadgets that I'm usually an expert on whatever new gadget I get, mere days after purchasing it.  I'm a complete geek.  I love it.

Day 189: Food Deliberation

My dinner

I was supposed to get a bunch of things done tonight, but I didn't do a thing.  Instead, Christine and I sat in the living room for a good 30-45 minutes deliberating on what we should do and where we should go eat because neither of us felt up to doing anything.  It was laughable how long it took us to decide on a restaurant.   Once we decided (Goodwood), I had to go shower and get ready to leave the house because I was still in my work-out clothes.  We ate at record speed once we got to the restaurant because we'd waited too long to eat and both of us were starving.  But when we got home, the apathy continued.  Should we try to catch up on our TV shows or go straight to bed, or maybe just sit on the couch and space off for an hour?  We basically missed our entire evening because neither of us could make a decision.

It was awesome.

Day 188: Home Is Where the Hearth Is

A Christmas decoration

Another work week started today.  Another Monday. I'm starting to feel the stress of the holiday.  I usually feel it sooner than this, but I think I was in denial.  This time of year is full of family and friends and good will, but it's also filled with stress and over-booking and lots of missed deadlines.

Not only do I have more personal errands than usual to run during December, but I also have more work to do.  I have more church responsibilities, more family functions, more chances to screw something up.

And I feel it keenly, that I will have an epic fail at any moment and disappoint everyone around me.  It's not like I'm jumping at shadows here either.  I've done it before, and I'll do it again, because the more I have to pack into my schedule, the less I get done.  The more responsibility I have when I'm stressed, the less responsible I am.

The only difference this year is that I'm one year older and one year wiser.  And most importantly, I have perspective.  I may get easily overwhelmed.  I may freak out and forget something important.  I may fall short of mine and others' expectations, but at least I know that it's not the end of the world.  I will live through it.  January will come around, desolate and boring, and I'll still be here, intact and relatively unscathed.

Day 182: Symbols and Reminders

Don't forget...

I've been thinking of the different symbols we use to help us remember things, and the different symbols behind objects.  For instance, my friend Kim posted on her blog the other day about a lucky penny she found.  A penny isn't worth much, until you find it all alone on the ground, waiting to be picked up.  Then it suddenly possesses great power and charges us with luck.

The same goes with a bit of string.  Alone, it's nothing but a nuisance that gets stuck to your clothes.  But tie it on your finger, and it suddenly becomes a needed alarm clock.

I think it's all about perspective.  Like maybe if we look at things with a different eye, we'll see the worth in them.  Then something that once was a negative in your life could turn out to be a positive.  I think it's always a good idea to find the positive side of life because then you become the powerful object.  Because if you can find a bright side to a bad situation, you have the power to make any outcome a good one.

Day 170: Mo Bros

Steven's 'stache

So I guess there's a thing promoting cancer awareness for men during the month of November.  It's called Movember, and it's worldwide, believe it or not.  Apparently during the month of November, guys are growing out mustaches and somehow that's supposed to remind people about men's risk of cancer.  I tried to read up about it on the Movember website, but I'm ADD and didn't last long.  Take a look for yourself for more info.

Anyway, I had lunch with my sisters and my nephew Steven today and heard all about it when I asked him who was going to save that girl he tied to the railroad track (OK, I didn't actually ask him that, but I did ask him why he was going for the pedophile look).  After some serious thought about the great idea that Movember had, I starting trying to remember some of the funny one-liners I've heard about mustaches...as I said, I'm ADD, plus I like to make fun of my nephews.

And since a bunch of my nephews are doing the Movember challenge, I've just got to wonder, is this like a contest?  Because even if you win, you still loose.  ;)
I'm going to have to start calling them new names, like D'artanian, Magnum P.I. or maybe Amber Alert.
And for you single guys out there, was meeting women not challenging enough for you?  Because even if they're saying what a great idea this is and how awesome you are for stepping up to the challenge, all they're really thinking is how to politely remove themselves from your company and secure they're houses at night. ;)

But seriously, all joking aside.  It's a great cause, and if it gets people thinking about men's health and getting awareness out about cancer, it's worth a few babies getting scared. ;)

*Note: Since there's no such thing as a sarcasm font, I put little winking smiley faces to indicate that I'm just poking fun and am in no way being serious about these little jabs at mustaches.

Day 168: Day Glo

Protective eye gear for tanning

So fall is giving way to winter, and I'm already feeling the winter blues set in.  One of my little tricks to fight it is to go tanning once a month or so.  Artificial sunlight is better than none, and when it's winter, the sky is dark when I leave for work and dark when I come home.  It's not necessarily that bad yet.  I still see great sunsets right now, but in a few weeks I won't be so lucky.

So a tanning I went.  I always feel a little bit radioactive after going tanning (for obvious reasons), so I thought it would be fun to take a picture and make it a little "glowy" to represent how I feel.  :)

But I have to say, the second those bulbs came on, I imagined laying out by the side of a pool and a smile spread across my face.  I may glow in the dark now, but at least I'm happy about it! :)